My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
