Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
