is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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