I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
