STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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