he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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