I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Randomize
