did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize