i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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