i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
