apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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