i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You're a waste of cheezeits
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
