I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize