win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
She made me pour olive oil on her.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
