Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize