the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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