life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
