That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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