Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
