I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
