Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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