I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
