Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
