Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
