Nicole vs. Life
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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