i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
