I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
