Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
