Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
