yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
