Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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