is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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