you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
