haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
