Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
