at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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