Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
