I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
