I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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