No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't turn off my feet"
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
