i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
