You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
