I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
