After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
