it was like his penis was on wheels.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
