Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
