i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
