when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
