The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
