You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
