I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
