Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
