he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
