Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
