Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
