I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
