everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
