Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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