he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You don't make any sense
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