every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
