I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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