You just made me feel so damn special
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
