1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
