I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize