So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
