and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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