I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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